Is anyone ever completely and utterly happy?

There are things in this world that we want. And there are things in this world that we need.

We need something, we get it, our need is satisfied.

When we want something, we try our hardest to get it. If it is unattainable, we crave it even more. We feel like we need it. When, eventually, we finally give up in the hope of acquiring whatever it is, it is always still there in the back of our mind. We wonder what life would be like if we just had a little more of this, a little less of that, or that one thing that could have possibly changed our whole life.

This is human nature.

On the other hand, if we want something and we do get it, the initial happiness is great but it diminishes in time. We thought that we needed it, that it would complete us, but in actual fact, you are still quite the same as you were before you had it. You never really needed it. It satisfies a longing that you had at one specific moment in time and that moment is among a billion other moments in your life and it can easily be lost or forgotten. The time passes, you want something new.

This is the tale of material possessions.

I want.

I got.

I’m bored.

I want something else.

Replaces old item with new.

Can the same be said for relationships?

Is it possible for two people to meet, fall in love and live happily ever after?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naive. But in a world of domestic violence, teen pregnancy, rape, abortions, divorce, affairs and God knows what else, it’s hard to picture a happy ending for anyone. Sometimes I used to wish that life was like a fairy tale and that I would find a boy, fall in love and we would live happily ever after. Part one is easy, part two achievable, it’s part three I have trouble believing in. Happily ever after..Does it exist? Who knows.

Relationships are difficult. No one agrees on everything. People can change right in front of your eyes. But is there a part of you that always remains? The part that the other person fell in love with. And is that part always visible to them?

I fear relationships. I don’t have commitment issues or anything, it’s not that kind of fear. It’s always been the fear of losing someone that’s kept me worrying. If you fall in love and suddenly that person means the world to you, you do everything together and they make you happy everyday. Then they get bored, or distracted, or realise they made a mistake, or just stop loving you. And all of a sudden it’s over. You’re heartbroken. You forget that you were able to live perfectly fine without this person. Suddenly it’s all over and you don’t know what happened. What do you do then? Forget about them? Forget that for a brief moment in time, that person was you’re world and now that world is crashing down around you.

I wouldn’t know what to do. It has yet to happen. The end of things is so uncertain, every ending has a new beginning but the uncertainty of the nature of that new beginning is a scary thing to comprehend. If only it was as easy as finishing a book and picking up a new one.

Until the next time,

Kerbear xXx

I’m not just talking about objects of course, if I am at all..it’s more about people. You see someone you think you might like but you’re not sure and then you find out they’re already with someone and suddenly you go from unsure to absolutely positive that you want them and you want them so much more than you did when you thought they were single. I’m not saying that it’s like this every time you like someone who is unavailable, sometimes you genuinely like someone that happens to be with someone else but how can you be sure which one’s which? If that special someone that you are crazy about suddenly becomes available and you manage to get them, will you be happy now? Or will you just want everyone else that you can’t have? Why do we always fall hardest for those that we can’t have? Is it simply because we can’t have them or is it just unlucky? I’m not too sure but I’m either unlucky in love or just always want what I can’t have..either way, it’s not a happy situation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed or anything about it, I just don’t think about it and enjoy life coz in all fairness, what’s the point?

I don’t understand people who sit at home moaning and being depressed just because they can’t have the person they want..go out in the world, hang out with your friends and for God’s sake find someone else. There are 6 billion people in the world, I’m sure there’s someone out there for you! I myself, make friends with guys I like and never expect anything to come from it, don’t get me wrong, I hope but I don’t try so I don’t expect. The reason for me writing this is that I’ve started to notice that the guys I like most are the ones who either don’t like me back or have girlfriends. Everytime, the same thoughts go through your mind “Why can’t I have him? Why doesn’t he like me? I’ve never liked anyone this much before” blah blah blah.. yeah right. And I’m sure you’ll never like anyone this much ever again, right? Wrong. And you will get over that person you think you’ll never get over. It’s so ridiculous. If you like the person that much, talk to them, be their friend and maybe, just maybe, someday in the future, you might get what you want..but in all fairness that’s unlikely so just be their friend and be happy. I may not have a boyfriend but I have a hell of a lot of friends and that suits me just fine. It’s better than sitting at home dwelling on the fact that the person you want is out of your reach and just being plain moody. Besides that, most times, when you befriend the person you like, you usually just end up seeing them as a friend within a very short time, a much shorter length of time than if you just stay away from them, trust me.

Well that’s it for another pointless blog,

Kerbear xXx

Jesus said: Because you have seen Me, you have believed? Blessed are those who did not see, yet believed! John 20:29

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t one of those “you should believe what I believe! Why don’t you believe what I believe? Jesus!! Jesus!! Jesus!! Belieeeeeve!!!!” I don’t like to push my faith on others, people should be able to choose what they believe in but this is what I believe in and it makes me really happy and I just wish sometimes that everyone could know Jesus and feel His love. He’s there even when you don’t realise and He will always be there if you need Him. You are never alone, even when you are most weak, that is when He is there working to help you.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness 2 Corinthians 12:9

Ok, I don’t really know where this is going but I felt like my page needed a new blog.

Kerbear xXx

Confidence. Why do some people just ooze confidence and others are so shy that they’ll just sit there on their own because their too afraid to talk to strangers? They’ll go almost a whole week hoping that the person they know will say hi to them because they’re too nervous to say hi themselves because they don’t know the person that well.

Me, I’m kind of an inbetweener. I find it hard to talk to strangers when I’m alone but when I have friends around me I’m fine. I’m also occasionally okay talking to a stranger one-on-one, providing they make the first move.

Sugar and alcohol are my friends who fight my shyness away. For example, the first time I drank at a party, I got to talk to someone who had been in my class for almost two years for the first time and I’m so glad I did. Another example, the coach for a Christian conference. The journey there, I stayed with my cousin and kind of spoke to one other person and then the journey back I was on a sugar high and spoke to loads of people, offering around ice cream(rolo from KFC-so nice) I wish that I could be that confident all the time because then life would be so much easier. I was talking with some friends recently and everyone was listing off top 5 physical and personality traits they find attractive in the opposite sex and everyone, boys and girls, had confidence on their list. When I actually stopped to think about it, I realised that I mainly like confident guys too. Confidence is something I’ve always longed for more of, like when I used to be in band and I’d sit there not talking to anyone because I was too shy. I got over it eventually but it did take me 5 years to talk to someone in the band and they were the one who made the first move.

I know I’m not as shy as some people but it doesn’t stop me wishing I was less shy. My cousin recently told me that I was being silly by not talking to people and I need to get over it but no matter how much I’m determined to not be shy, it never works.

Aw well, all I can do is pray for more confidence or just eat a hell of a lot more sugar=P

Kerbear xXx

I think that there are a lot of good looking male celebrities out there but I like to think that I don’t obsess about them. Although a lot of my friends do.

First year. English class. >> We all had to make up a story and each person added one line to it. As we journeyed around the class, the story reached a point where one girl said that Ronaldo married her. Of course this wasn’t taken well by the following students as he then proceeded to divorce and marry every student between that girl and myself. I was sick of it and longed for some imagination from the class so I killed him off, much to the shock and disappointment of a room full of 12/13 year old girls.

Now we have the epidemic of being obsessed with Mr. Edward Cullen that seems to be infecting so many young girls. You only have to look on Bebo to see the unending numbers of “Mrs. Edward Cullen” and then, since the movie was released, “Mrs. Robert Pattinson.”

Why, I wondered, do all these girls think that they will marry him? Firstly, Edward Cullen is a fictional character and although Mr. Pattinson is quite real, it’s Edward that they’re really “in love” with. Robert Pattinson just put a face to the name and, I would say description but that’s not how he was described in the books. Yes, I read the books and yes, I saw the film. I found many faults with the film but I’m not going to list them here coz that’s not what this is.

It’s not only Edward that teens are obsessing over. We can’t forget Team Jacob can we? Although teens aren’t as obsessed with him as with Edward. Even the film producers have realised how obsessed teens are with Edward and have now written more scenes for him in the next film even though he was very much absent for most of the book. Such is the money-making scheme of the movie business.

Is it really right for someone to watch a film/tv programme/sports match purely because they have a thing for some guy involved?

I would hope that what people watch is based on whether they like what they’re watching and not who they’re watching.

Do guys do this too? Do they write on their Bebo pages “Mr. Angelina Jolie” or “Mr. Megan Fox”? I haven’t seen any. So why do girls?

It seems like when a girl likes a guy she obsesses, gets pictures and dreams of marriage. Whereas guys seem to see a girl and say she’s ‘hot’ and tend to think of more physical things than marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that all guys and girls are like this. I know there are exceptions to the points that I’ve made or else I wouldn’t be writing this now. There is one guy I know who is obsessed with a certain female celebrity. I’m not naming names but he did name his goldfish after her and tracked down an episode of a programme with her in it.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this blog. I’m just pondering about obsession really.

There’s no real depth to it, in fact you probably won’t get very much depth from any of my blogs so if your looking for something deep and meaningful, you’ve come to the wrong place. Should I have said that at the start? It would have saved you reading the rest of the blog.

Oh well,

I’ll just go, shall I?

Kerbear xXx

Not quite sure what to do so lets just see what happens.

It’s been a week since those dreaded exams ended and I feel no sense of achievement. The leaving cert has been described as the “biggest anti-climax ever” and I must say I have to agree. All those years you spend in school with teachers constantly counting down the days to when you must sit “the most important exams of your life”. I recall one teacher saying to us that there were 407 days to the exams.. I sat there thinking “ahh that’s ages away” which then turned out to be a very short time indeed, although I still think that teacher was crazy for counting that many days, surely she could have found something more productive to do with her time. This brings me to the point of those teachers that spend their timing saying “we have to get the course covered!” “we’re running out of time” “if it weren’t for your messing we would be done by now” or as I once recall a ten minute lecture on how the class messing had lost five minutes of class time. I wondered if the teacher in question realised that we could have gotten more work done had he not lectured us for double the amount of time we had made him lose. There were other teachers who were time-wasters also. For example, the biology teacher who gave so many tests that she hadn’t got the course completed by the time graduation day came around thus forcing her overworked students to come into school for biology classes when they could have been at home studying instead. And then there was the geography teacher who would spend entire classes planning what she was going to teach them and how she would do it, classes that she should have spent actually teaching.

*sigh*

I got distracted, shit, where was I?

Oh yes, the leaving cert. All your life being told about it. Teachers getting you more and more stressed over it. And not to mention that goddamned CAO, the bane of so many 6th year students lives. The time finally comes for you to sit the exams, you study so hard, perhaps cramming it all in at the last minute and then suddenly it’s over and your left thinking, “Is that it? Am I really done?”

Yes, I’m afraid you are my friend. I thought I would have felt something different. Perhaps some sense of accomplishment, but no. Even though it’s been a week since I have finished, it doesn’t even feel like the summer holidays, let alone like I’m never going back to second-level education again. At the moment it just feels like a long weekend and at any minute now it will be time to go back. But that’s not the case and unfortunately the adult world is beckoning to me to join it. Less than 4months till official adulthood kicks in and roughly the same amount of time till I commence my years as a college student. For now, fear is overshadowing excitement but hopefully that will pass. I wish that I had more time to be a child but such is the consequence of skipping transition year. Ah transition year, I regret not doing it for many reasons and I also don’t regret it for many other reasons. Ah well, life is full of regrets but there’s no point dwelling on them or you might just get depressed and that doesn’t sound to attractive to me.

Hmm, I think I’m done now so I’ll just go.

Till the next time,

Kerbear xXx